Today's Fear

Today's the day.   Today my little guy sees the child psychologist for his multi-disciplinary assessment.  Basically, J.R. is being tested for anything and everything (ADD, ADHD, Autism, etc.).  I admit, I'm nervous, scared, anxious, and worried. What if the doctor doesn't see what I'm seeing?  What if I forget to tell him something?  What if the tests come back negative?

Okay, so I'm sure it's not going to be black or white/positive or negative, I mean, we're seeing a psychologist; but what if there aren't any "abnormalities" other than just the tentative diagnosis* (Cerebral Palsy) the neurologist gave us a month ago?  A million questions are running circles in my head, and you can imagine that for someone who gets motion sickness like me, that it's quite sickening.  Here are just a few that keep making laps around my brain:

If J.R.'s behaviors are normal, does that mean I'm just too impatient with him?
Is it just my fault?
Will he not get the help he needs in school?

Is there nothing I can do?

Sure, some of these sound selfish, but I don't mean them to be.  I'm really worried that what I'm doing as a parent is HURTING my child, enabling him to continue these poor behaviors.   Seriously, my biggest fear today is not that J.R. will throw a fit, get angry, or do nothing; my biggest fear is that the doctor will tell me that it was a waste of time and that there is nothing we can do to help my child. 
 

*It's a tentative diagnosis because it will only be definite if we decide to give J.R. an MRI to determine if there's brain damage.  We're still deciding what to do with that one.

Emotional Sunday

For a child with Sensory Processing Disorder social situations can be tough. This was brought home once again for me on Sunday. Isaac has been struggling with going to primary at Church. He has a hard time sitting and concentrating on what is going on. He has become attached to a little boy in the class just above him. This little boy also likes Thomas the tank engine and brings a bag full of Thomas books and coloring pages. Yesterday this boy decided that he didn't want Isaac to sit next to him because Isaac kept bothering him. I quietly stood to the side and watched the interaction. The little boy was trying to tell Isaac kindly that he wanted to sit by someone else today because he didn't want Isaac to get into his bag. Immediately the two boys sitting next to this little boy started telling Isaac that he didn't get to sit by his friend all the time and that he wasn't even in their class and shouldn't be sitting by them anyways. I watched to see how Isaac handled this and was surprised when he turned to the little boy and promised he wouldn't get into his bag if he could sit next to him. This was big for Isaac. He comprehended what that little boy was telling him and tried to problem solve the situation. The situation unfortunately wasn't solved because one of the boys sitting next to Isaac's friend started yelling at Isaac that he needed to leave them alone and go back to his class. Isaac collapsed to the floor and started to cry and say "I'm not taking this anymore" his normal frustrated dialogue. At this point the boy started pushing Isaac with his shoe to get him to go away and move. I had had enough. I tried to calmly tell the boy that pushing people with their shoes was inappropriate and that he needn't yell at Isaac so meanly. The boys father was sitting right behind him as this was all going on. So now to the point. I know that it is hard to understand my child or even to put up with his abnormal behavior. The little friend that didn't want Isaac to sit by him had every right to ask to sit by someone else. Unfortunately for Isaac he doesn't understand this. He doesn't know why kids don't want to be around or do things with him. It is enough to break a mothers heart. To watch it over and over again is painful. The hard part is being able to educate everyone he comes in contact with about what is going on. It is also frustrating when parents don't step in when other children are not patient enough with him. But again how can I expect people to understand when I don't fully understand myself what is going on?