Friday, February 25, 2011

Trouble comes in twos.

by Natalie (yes I am still alive, kind of)

One would think that two children from the same family, same parents, same environment, same diagnosis would respond to the same discipline and reward systems. One would think wrong. I have blogged about how wonderful the school district and service providers are for our two sons and they are, not doubt about it. But what happens when they come home? While they have made vast improvements we still seem to function at a sub par. Mike and Ike are like night and day personality wise and Spectrum wise.  Let me go into detail here.

Ike is a rule follower. We are talking the days of Moses rule follower. Do not walk more then 500 steps on Sunday, letter of the law, no exceptions! Don't get me wrong, he is a kind, sweet, sensitive boy, who enjoys other children. But if you do not follow the rules (his) or the scripts that he has been taught in school, watch out! He can turn nasty quicker than holiday shoppers at Walmart on Black Friday.This doesn't sound that outrageous. Every child goes through this phase. But he's 6 1/2. Most children are long past this stage at his age.

Now there is Mike. He is a very precocious child. Quick to laugh or try to make you laugh, goof off, and just plain get into trouble. He has very little impulse control and loves to be the center of attention. He is starting to use his wild imagination more and more and more importantly has learned how to annoy others. His lack of impulse control and attention seeking behaviors get him into a whole heep of trouble. Consequences mean nothing to him. This is my boy that laughs as I am punishing him. He responds inappropriately to situations and misses many social cues just like his brother. But what he lacks in understanding he makes up in improvisation.

Now to my problem. These two mix like oil and water. You are thinking to yourself, "well what siblings do get along"! When you have a rule follower and a free spirit cohabitating it makes for much frustration. To add insult to injury neither of them can control their reactions to each other. Talking to Ike about why Mike doesn't have to do something a certain way is like talking to a tree, it's glad your talking but wishes you talked treeish! He just doesn't understand. This is how (his) the world works, why is Mike allowed to do it differently?

Mike on the other hand loves to push Ike's buttons. He gets attention, doesn't matter that it is bad attention, it's attention. He will provoke and provoke and when you try to discipline or get him to understand why we don't poke sleeping bulls he just looks at you like, "why would you make me stop something that is so fun?!" Hence the laughing while I am punishing.

It is a never ending cycle. How do I try to have a peaceful life without turning my home into an extended school time. Do I seperate them until they are 40 so we can have a little peace? The tools the teachers give me for each of them are so time consuming I can't be doing both for each of the boys at the same time. It is always about consistency, but how can I be consistent with both at the same time? It is tiring and I find myself yelling, "I AM GOING TO MY ROOM, WHERE NO ONE WILL BOTHER ME, AND IF THEY BOTHER ME, THE WORLD WILL SHAKE WITH MY WRATH!!!!!" while they think it is funny and it sometimes stops the fits it is not the best discipline method.


or something like that.

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